Not a good day
Not an easy day
The bad voice in my head was loud.
I struggled to stay focused. I waned and wobbled.
Maybe the euphoria of these initial victorious days has a sell-by date and has ebbed?
Maybe it’s a full moon. Maybe I am human?
Maybe this is to be expected?
During today I observed a scary behaviour pattern that was super reminiscent of the old days:
As a drinker trying to moderate his intake, I would decide, in advance, how many beers I was going to allow myself, in a given day or evening, and only put this number in the fridge. The rest would stay in the ‘warm’ alley. Who likes warm beer? Not I!
Great plan! Except that, when I ran out of cold ones I would switch to drinking the warm ones from the alley. This behaviour always spoke loudly to me. “Duncan! This is a problem! You can’t ignore this!”
Today I felt rubbish. In an attempt to raise my spirits, I reached into the alley for a warm 0.0% beer. I kept sipping from it, out of sight from my wife and kept it in the door of the fridge (not out on display). What was I doing FFS!? This was extremely dodgy!! I consider this the ‘wobble’.
If I am to salve anything from this less-than-perfect day, it is that I am now very unsure about the wisdom of using these 0.0% beers as an ‘ok’ replacement drink.
How could I forget that this battle is fought more in my head than anywhere else!
Do I really think that opening a beer-shaped bottle, covered in beer company branding, that is designed to taste beer-like, is, in any way, a good idea during the difficult process of my trying to disentangle myself from beer? That’s rhetorical btw.
Be thankful I have a day 11 ahead
Celebrate all victories, even those won by the skin of my teeth.