I am a person who no longer uses alcohol or other drugs. YAY!

That immediately says two things about me.

  1. I am living a life of sobriety. YAY!
  2. I am in recovery.

Recovery from what?

  1. The damage that drinking alcohol did. (Sobriety will undo this. YAY!)
  2. The pre-existing damage to which I applied the use of alcohol. (This needs attention – Not so yay!)

Why did I use alcohol and drugs?

Superficially, to socialize and have fun. However, the root issues lurk in the shadows, just out of sight.


How do I ferret out these gremlins?

I need to get to know myself.

A) Difficult (I have hidden this from me).

B) Scary (I hid it for a reason).

I used alcohol to cover painful and unwanted feelings and bridge the social gap created by my insecurities and fears.

Let’s start here.

As a child, I began moving parts of myself into the dark, unseen shadows, out of sight.

I hid my shame and fear.

My shame of what? I wasn’t a serial killer!

My shame of being weak, unfunny, ugly, stupid, too poor, too tall, out of fashion, cowardly, greedy, selfish, unable to laugh at myself, lonely, bad at sports, unpopular, a failure, awkward, and deeply needy.

My only hope of a life hinged upon keeping my shameful attributes secret or, at least, out of the limelight.

My fear? I would fail at this also, and everyone would see, and I would be found out.

Have you ever noticed how much effort it takes to maintain a single lie?

Living in secret, concealing a million things, is like maintaining a million lies.

It is exhausting.

It is a prison. Bondage. Slavery.

It is horrible and unbearable.

Enter alcohol’s numbing effects as a quick fix!

Here is a bit of scripture with some excellent advice:

“Bring it into the light, and the truth shall set you free.”

Lies endure well when not scrutinized. 

Lies endure well in the darkness.

As I write this and compile the above list of shame, I see it in the light.

I have the opportunity to agree and confirm it – or not.

I do not.

I don’t agree with the list at all!

In this moment, Truth enters the stage, and shame begins to lose its grip on me and, with it, fear.


Actively encourage and repeat the truths to myself and get them bedded into my mind, where they belong in the place the lies previously occupied.

Cease living a lie.

Step II:

Let other people get to know me, also.

Stop hiding away.

Don’t be scared.

Take the risk.

Some people will like me, and some won’t.

The ones that don’t – don’t matter. Fuck ’em. That’s on them.


Being me in public is more complex than I initially thought.

  • “Pearls before swine” is another scripture that jumps to mind.
  • Not all people will be interested in my shit – Fair enough.
  • I do not want to reveal my actual weaknesses to real aggressors. 
  • Not all occasions are appropriate for “deep and meaningful.”


I need a safe space to share some things.

I am a safe space, and some of the people I do Life with are also.

Then there are groups like my prayer group or AA.

Here is where I have got to regarding sharing me with other people:

Share widely:

  1. WHO I am.
  2. WHAT I feel.

Share carefully in my safe space:

  1. WHY I am.
  2. WHY I feel

Love and peace

Dunc xx