Yesterday I posted a video wherein I talked about feeling low, tired, lacklustre, and generally a bit naff during weeks two and three of going sober.
My best guess is that it’s a chemistry thing. My body should be a happy, carefully balanced ‘virgin’ cocktail of ingredients. Instead I foolishly turned it into a ‘dirty’ one when I added alcohol, and it appears there are consequences. There’s a surprise.
I think my body may still be producing too much Cortisol, the “stress hormone”, which causes and contributes to stress and anxiety.
Regardless of whether or not I am right about the cause, the fact remains that I am operating below par. It is good that I am aware of this, as I need to be careful. I need to make some adjustments.
Belle Robertson (a kick ass voice of wisdom and experience in this world of going sober), warns against ‘prelapse’ (she may have invented that word). She says it is the period of time immediately preceding relapse.
In other words, the time immediately before returning to ‘Day 1’, not passing GO, not collecting £100, slipping down the snake, and starting all over again. Not good. To be avoided at all cost.
I would hazard a guess that prelapse looks a lot like how I have been feeling of late.
I remind myself that feeling tired, low, miserable and moody can lead to worse things. For one, it can ignite the touch paper of irritability within (That bloody door! That water spilling all over me? Where did I leave my measuring tape? Who has moved my..? I stub my toe! The missing TV remote!)
It needn’t take long to wind myself up into a state of annoyed self-pity where I feel the world is conspiring against me. Il-chosen ‘bitey’ words come next, where those around me take on collateral damage. Presto! My world turns into a more difficult place to navigate. Prelapse beckons.
WARNING! DANGER! WARNING!
So, what to do?
Breathe.
Step back.
Remember the good good news. Day 33! Day 33!
These feelings are temporary and are part of recovery.
I’m on the train. I have a ticket. All will be well.
Pull together an arsenal of supports. Talk myself up.
Nice! That is what I am going to do.