I am not pretending to myself that I didn’t enjoy alcohol in plenty of circumstances because that would be an untruth.

What I am saying is that alcohol was not the friend it pertained to be. In time, it revealed itself to be a deadly noxious element that unleashed hell upon all aspects of the healthy operation of my physical body.

In addition, it turned out to be highly addictive. 

Furthermore, its assault, upon my being, also encompassed my mind, which is the subject of today’s blog.

As a drinker, the constant din within my head was exhausting. (Btw, the quieting of this internal noise/battle is one of the aspects of being a non-drinker I love the most)

Behind the veil of my PR exterior, I constantly planned, computed, negotiated, and re-negotiated my beer/wine consumption. 

What? 

When? 

Where?

With who? 

How? 

In what quantity?

Thinking back (a thwacking great 44 days ago!!! OH YEAH!), all the activities I used to enjoy had been transformed into the things I did ‘while’ I drank. ‘While I drank’ took the throne and became The King.

The activities themselves served The King. Their role was to take the public limelight and distract all onlookers, INCLUDING myself, as to what was occurring.

Smoke and mirrors.

I cannot recall anything I did ‘for fun’ which didn’t involve a drink either ‘pre’, ‘during’, or ‘after’; but ideally, all three.

• Restaurant visits were best if I was with a similar person, and we were both ‘solid gone’ by desert.
• Hiking/wild camping. I carried so much beer and wine in my back-pack, it was crippling (I can’t wait to pack a ‘sober’ bag. It could be a game-changer. LOL)
• Walks at the weekend were best if we walked ‘to’ a pub. For a pub lunch; Licenced; Allowed; Justified; Beer drinking.
• Allotment gardening. A few cold ones in a bucket of water nearby
• Cinema. The ones that sell booze, and supply handy little side tables.
• Cooking was a joy with my constantly self-refilling glass of red.

Day 44. I am amazed at how much time, effort, and intention are required to leave alcohol behind. It’s a marathon of sorts. (WELL WORTH EVERY EFFORT)

A part of the process is reclaiming my reward systems which were hijacked. 

After stopping drinking, I had nothing that brought me pleasure.

I had forgotten how to enjoy life’s gifts without a drink.

At day 1, I filled my days with activities to get through the day.

At day 44, ‘normal’ fun things still feel slightly unnatural but less so. 

I am learning to appreciate and fall in love again with lovely things.

TOP TIP:

A life raft filled with rewards and treats is essential for breaking the alcohol trap. They need to be planned and readily on hand.

My treats/rewards at the moment – FYI My list evolves as I learn more:

 -Baths – Bath bombs

 -Books/ reading

 -Walks in beautiful places

 -Snacks (Crisps, nuts, crackers, and cheese – NOTE: The goal is to crack alcohol, not diet!)

 -Chocolate

 -Massage

 -Coffee

 -A new cookbook

 -Fresh bed linen

Mmmmm! Nice xxx